Paradox of Infertility. Infertility is a catastrophe in every sense of the word. Yet, it is the very struggle of infertility, its diminishing of reserves in every domain that can ultimately replenish and further. It requires us to look for happiness not on the outside but on the inside. The…
Paradoxes of Infertility
Depth vs. Breadth
Paradox of Infertility. Advanced Reproductive Technology (ART) gives us an ever-expanding range of choices in our efforts to bring a child into our family, and we are required to understand, in depth, what these choices mean. A year in infertility treatment is like a year in graduate school. We need…
Slowing Down vs. Moving Quickly
Paradox of Infertility. Infertility is often a race against our biological clock. We must make difficult decisions under time pressures whose consequences may be life-long. How can you be patient while needing to move forward quickly? How can you slow down when expected to move faster and try harder? If…
Complimentary vs. Competing
Paradox of Infertility. The repeated failure to create a child together can become disaffirming to our primary significant relationship. It re-ignites issues we thought resolved or magnifies issues we thought insignificant. Rather than sharing in a joint venture, couples often struggle with each other and split into opposing camps. As…
Reaching Out vs. Retreating Within
Paradox of Infertility. We often experience innocent comments from the uninitiated, however close to us in other ways, as insensitive and uncaring. The joyful advent of a friend’s pregnancy, even a friend who has struggled to conceive, can cause your heart to sink. The mall full of baby strollers becomes…
Expectations vs. Needs
Paradox of Infertility. As we pour effort into demanding infertility treatments, our work lives can become unmanageable. Our careers are threatened at a time when we need them as a source of self-esteem and income. We need to slow down even as we are expected to try harder. If you…
Letting Go vs. Holding On
Paradox of Infertility. A near-universal experience of infertility is the feeling of being “out of control.” The world is broken. What has always worked, no longer does. Trying harder brings greater failure. We are in a fight for our lives, but we don’t know the rules. At every turn, we…
Gain vs. Loss
Paradox of Infertility. For most people, the more prolonged the struggle with infertility, the greater the costs. Over time, infertility can erode our relationships: to our partner, friends, relatives, and the community at large. We become strangers to ourselves, with traumatic consequences to our home life, our work life, and…
Needing More vs. Having Less
Paradox of Infertility. Why is infertility so alienating for so many of us? We often feel that bringing a child into our primary relationship is the ultimate affirmation of shared affection; and bringing a child into the world can feel like our one true bond to the (tribe or progress)…
Paradoxes of Infertility
Infertility is so poignant because procreation is our strongest drive, hard-wired into our species, and fathering a child or becoming pregnant is viewed as our birth rite. Though infertility is a medical condition, it is experienced as a redefinition of self, challenging our core identity of what it means to…